Dynamite Comes in Small Packages

We all love the Oompa Loompas in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. If you are a reality TV fan, most likely you have seen "Little People Big World." If you like to party it up on St. Patrick’s Day, you have probably been served a cool one by a Leprechaun. It is evident I am a little obsessed with little people. Wait – we need a moment of silence in memory of Hank, the angry drunken dwarf from the "Howard Stern Show." (Silence) Okay, the tears are wiped away.

I was hesitant to even write this article for fear of offending the 30,000 plus little people in America, but it just has to be done. As you know from my recent article, “The Sincerest Form of Flattery,” I am all about rock n’ roll, especially Van Halen. I am also a huge fan of the Van Halen tribute band, The Atomic Punks. So I got to thinking … why not share with you a “little” info about some pint-sized rockers who tear up the stage. This is one tall order.

Not too long ago, I walked into a bar and heard the thundering sound of "Love Gun" from KISS circa 1977--one of my favorite songs. The patrons were standing with horns in the air. I could not see anyone playing live so I thought maybe these guys had been doing beer bongs in the back and just reminiscing about the good ole days of rock n’ roll like me and my buddies do every so often. Okay…we do it a lot. As I worked my way through the crowd, I realized this was no jukebox. It was the real deal; someone was playing live. It wasn’t Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley, but a group called Mini KISS! I dropped to my knees, raised my lighter and said thank you. Little people playing KISS--what more could you ask for?

Mini KISS just doesn’t play the music, they live the dream. They were dressed in full KISS regalia, faces painted and the memories of '77 came to life. Okay, maybe that is a little extreme.

There is a dispute as to how Mini KISS was born. At a Little People of America meeting in 1991, a young Tim Loomis and veteran to the entertainment world, Joey Fatale, had a cantanquerous encounter that set the tone of their relationship for the next 15 years. I thought Joey Fatale was in "N’Sync?" I guess not. Tim, a newbie to the little people scene, was approached Fatale. Fatale told him that if he ever wanted to stand tall amongst the lil’ people, Tim would have to work with him and give him a cut of his money. Fatale claims he is the “big guy in this Munchkin land.” That is a quote. I didn’t make it up. I swear. In no certain terms, Tim told Fatale to “F#*k Off.”

Loomis claims that while sipping cocktails, years later, at the Lava Lounge in New York, dressed as Oompa Loompas for Halloween one year, they realized they needed to come up with some new ideas. As far as I am concerned, the Oompa Loompa idea never goes out of style! Loomis says while looking through some old CD's, he and Fatale came across KISS' “Destroyer” album, and that's when it hit them and Mini KISS was born.

Fatale, on the other hand, claims that Mini KISS started in 1996 by him. Fatale says he came up with the idea after he came across KISS' “Alive” album and had the thought to have a little people KISS tribute band. God bless him! On a personal note, I actually prefer “Alive” over “Destroyer.”

Either way, both Loomis and Fatale were originally in Mini KISS. After touring for a while, Fatale kicked Loomis out of the band. This is undisputed, except Loomis says it was because he was getting all of the chicks. Again, I am not making this up. Now as arch rivals, they were deadset on outdoing each other. Fatale is still with Mini KISS and Loomis started Tiny KISS. Hilarious…

Mini KISS:

At their first gig, Loomis and Fatale lip-synched five KISS songs standing on top of a bar with inflatable guitars and all. Classic! Their website has awesome pics and video of some of their early performances. You need to check it out.

As news spread, like STDs on spring break, Mini KISS was being asked to play at venues all over the country. By now, Loomis was out of the band, but not for long. Their big break came when Jeff Beacher from Beacher’s MadHouse in Vegas hired the band. There was one caveat. Beacher demanded that Lil’ Loomis play drums. Putting their animosity aside, they became an instant attraction in Sin City. Now, the band was getting offers to play all around the world. But even with this success, the two founders of this band were at each other's ankles. It reminds me of VH-1’s “Behind the Music”…but without the music. Anyway, Mini KISS continues to rock n’ roll all night and party every day. Thank God.

You can now catch Mini KISS playing in a city near you.

Tiny KISS:

Tiny KISS isn’t so tiny. Well, at least Paul Stanley isn’t. Loomis as Peter Criss (4'3”, 107lbs) teamed up with Robin Sherwoods (Ace Frehley - 4'0”, 98lbs), Wee Matt McCarthy (Gene Simmons - 4'1”, 98lbs), and their much larger friend, Big Beth Mara (Paul Stanley - 5'8”, 347lbs). Did I say much larger!? With tiny Tim Loomis at the helm, this ship set out to sail for a long journey.

Tiny KISS became so popular that the Prince of Saudi Arabia flew them to his homeland and even let them stay in their own wing of his palace to play in front of the Prince and a dozen of his friends. Tiny KISS has been playing to sold out shows ever since. In 2006 Tiny KISS signed a two-year, $1.5 Million deal to play at Beacher's RockHouse at the Imperial Palace. What the hell am I doing wrong?

Tiny KISS is still pounding the sounds of classic KISS in Sin City. You can find out more information by visit the Beacher’s MadHouse website. If Heavy Metal is not your thing, you are in luck. I just so happen to have a “little” something for you pop fans. Oops, I did it again…

Mini-Britney:

I know it is unbelievable--but it’s true. Terra Jole standing 4’2” celebrates pop icon Britney Spears like never seen before with flawless costumes and live vocals. Hit me baby one more time! Since January of 2007, Terra has been performing as Mini Britney and has been featured on “Entertainment Tonight,” “Good Morning America,” “Access Hollywood,” “ABC News,” and “CNN.”

Originally from San Antonio, Texas, Terra has been singing, dancing and acting since the age of 5. You may even recognize her from the MTV special, “True Life: I’m a Little Person.” As far as I am concerned her greatest achievement was touring with Ozzfest.

But Terra is no one-trick pony; she also does Mini-Alanis Morisette, Mini-Madonna, Mini-Cher and a lil’ cowgirl of the Mini-Village People. My eyes are tearing up just thinking about it! Most recently, Terra completed a 5-month run as the headlining performer in the show, “Little Legends,” on the strip in Las Vegas. I could write an entire article on just this show. All I am going to say is Mini-Milli Vanilli. Enough said. Just this year Terra released her first original song produced by re-mixer & producer Josh Harris (The Killers, Britney Spears, Fall Out Boy, Paramore) titled, “Stupid.” Not surprising.

Upcoming Performances: Mini-Britney calendar

If you are ever in the mood for some good times on a smaller scale, make sure you check out these performers. If KISS or Britney isn’t your cup of tea perhaps the Village People or Sonny and Cher will get you to light your lighters. Rumor has it there is a Little Crue band out there. A little people Motley Crue tribute band--My God. If I find them, I may quit my day job and become a roadie.

Cheers to the little people!

The Real Todd Harrison